Hints from Hellouise:
Don’t throw away that dryer lint!! Save leftover lint from your laundry and hoard it for 3-6 years, leaving little treats inside it, such as cheese, sweetbreads or whey. It will make a lovely home for rat families, colonies and if you’re lucky…rat cities!!!
Your kids tired of the same old packed lunch everyday? Spice things up daily with a whirlwind of surprises. Try almond butter on gluten-free bread. Try veggies and fun ranch dip. Send tater tots built into the tower of Pisa, with cheez whiz as the glue. Send an empty lunch box with an I.O.U. note. Send a lunch filled with a half-eaten bag of Cheetos and airport bottle of Bailey’s. The variety will be a great game for your kids, and give you more time to work on your All My Children fan-fiction.
Here’s a last-minute dessert I call “the poor man Reeses”. Grab a large spoon. Dip into Nutella jar. Spin spoon around so it is fully covered. Remove from jar. Now place it in a jar of peanut butter (your preferred brand. I’m partial to Skippy because it is smoother than a ten year old pimp, but to each one’s own). Make sure it is spread evenly. Stick in mouth and cry softly in the dark.
Do this "don't": Don't pay your parking tickets.
If your couch covering is getting old and tattered, find a giant plastic tarp and throw it over the whole thing. Keep it attached using duct-tape. Try to find colored duct tape to match the color of paint in the room.
In this day and age, who has time to wrap presents? Here are a few things you can use to wrap gifts quickly:
· Toilet paper
· News paper
· Regular paper
· My unfinished taxes (am I ready to really admit I’m single to the government??)
· Wrapping paper
It is important to conserve water for important things, like slip n slides and making chicken soup. Skip the shower. Dry showers are a fast, easy way, to stay a human untouched by water. Instead carry around a Febreeze bottle and pack of gum at all times. Another plus…less time to get ready in the morning!
Here’s a fun cocktail I call the “Patch Adams”. One bottle of the cheapest vodka you can find, or rubbing alcohol if vodka is unavailable, they’re the same anyways. Take a bottle of Patch™ soda and chug half the bottle. Fill the rest of it with vodka. Shake and chug again. Bon apetit!*
*This blog is partially funded by Patch™ soda.