“During the presidency of Ronald Reagan, Jelly Belly beans were served in the Oval Office and on Air Force One. A holder was designed for the plane so the jar of Jelly Belly beans would not spill during turbulence.” -www.jellybelly.com
1. George Washington (1789-1797): Hershey Chocolate Bar
A classic. It may not be the finest quality of chocolate but, WHAT I DO KNOW IS, THAT IT'S AMERICAN AND IT GETS THE JOB DONE. THAT'S WHAT!
2. John Adams (1797-1801): 3 Musketeers
Is it good. Not really. But it has less sugar right? So it must be good? I don't think this is good. Hey are there anymore left in the bag?
3. Thomas Jefferson (1801-1809): Toblerone
Oh look at ME. I'm so foreign and exotic and high-minded. Aren't I just soooooo special. People who like Toblerone only like it so they can feel better than everyone else. Yes, maybe you are smarter, but this chocolate does not make you smarter.
4. James Madison (1809-1817): Twix
It gets the job done.
5. James Monroe (1817-1825): Goo Goo Cluster
The problem is that James Monroe spent his whole life trying to live up to the name of his much hotter sister, Marilyn.
6. John Quincy Adams (1825-1829): Nerds
What kind of guy wants to be just like his dad? A nerd, that's who.
7. Andrew Jackson (1829-1837): Sour Patch Kids
Hurts so good.
8. Martin Van Buren (1837-1841): Tootsie Roll
Isn't it weird to think how in the olden days Tootsie Rolls were about as good as it got for candy. Boy I am glad I didn't live in the olden times. Also the racism and sexism. But mostly Tootsie Rolls
9. William Henry Harrison (1841): Zero
You have to be a real ZERO to die of a cold while in office. And also you murdered Tecumseh. SO HOW DOES IT FEEEEEEEEEEL? TO BE ON YOUR OWWWWWWWWWWWN.
10. John Tyler (1841-1845): Sugar Daddy
Sweet old man or sleazy benefactor, it's all greek to me.
11. James K. Polk (1845-1849): Chiclets
12. Zachary Taylor (1849-1850): Circus Peanuts
There is a reason I only see these for sale at Ace Hardware.
13. Millard Fillmore (1850-1853): Hershey’s Cookie n Cream Bar
It can't be easy when the only thing separating you from a duck is a vowel. It is even worse when a specific species of duck is better known than you.
14. Franklin Pierce (1853-1857): Skor
I dare you to tell me you have actually had a Skor bar (?).
15. James Buchanan (1857-1861): Red Hots
Obviously this guy loves pain and pleasure equally based on his actions.
16. Abraham Lincoln (1861-1865): M&Ms
I dare you to NOT put out your damn hands if I offer you some f*cking M&Ms. If you say no, I know you're lying.
17. Andrew Johnson (1865-1869): S’mores
In theory this should be a delicious candy bar. In theory.
18. Ulysses S. Grant (1869-1877): Butterfingers
At first it's all good. "Yum!" "Peanut butter!" "Civil War Veteran!"
Now it's stuck in my teeth and there's a whole 100 minutes left while I sit with my 4-yr old cousin in a first-run screening of "Chappie"
19. Rutherford B. Hayes (1877-1881): Jaw Breakers
Don't even pretend you like this candy.
20. James A. Garfield (1881): Ritter Sport (the kind with that cookie in them)
If you have not had a Ritter Sport you are doing a disservice to yourself. Yes they cost as much as a month of rent (I live in the slums). But baby, you're worth it.
21. Chester Arthur (1881-1885): Whatchamacallit
Knowing this will help you win trivia.
22. Grover Cleveland (1885-1889): Starburst
There's a reason these are offered for free in STD-testing clinics.
23. Benjamin Harrison (1889-1893): Wax Lips
Somewhere, out there, someone really, truly, deeply, loves Wax Lips. If you find them, run. Far.
24. Grover Cleveland (1893-1897): Milk Duds
Both the milk and the president...
25. William McKinley (1897-1901): Bit O’Honey
You've reached the bottom of your Halloween bag, but I promise you the heartache is not worth it.
26. Theodore Roosevelt (1901-1909): Reese’s Cups
Salty&sweet, what a naughty TREAT.
27. William Howard Taft (1909-1913): Candy Corn
Probably just poison. But I'll keep shoveling them in until they are gone and all that is left behind is the sickly-sweet taste before they return as vomit.
28. Woodrow Wilson (1913-1921): Krackel
The whole time you wish they were anything but themselves.
29. Warren G. Harding (1921-1923): Oh Henry!
"Oh Henry!" is probably what a 1920's housewife proclaimed when learning this dude died.
30. Calvin Coolidge (1923-1929): Charleston Chew
A wolf in sheep's clothing, do not trust their exterior.
31. Herbert Hoover (1929-1933): White Chocolate
You can't possibly be SO hungry that it's worth eating white chocolate. Unless you're a starving Depression-era orphan
32. Franklin D. Roosevelt (1933-1945): Cadbury Crème Egg
It's good, but could be dangerous after 4 terms.
33. Harry S Truman (1945-1953): Mr.Goodbar
I actually just smile and nod a lot when I think about him.
34. Dwight D. Eisenhower (1953-1961): Crunch Bar
The extra crunch is provided by the military-industrial complex.
35. John F. Kennedy (1961-1963): Snickers
Snickers are the LAST sound you'd be making when he died. Good candy bar tho.
36. Lyndon B. Johnson (1963-1969): Milky Way
Well, if I must eat something it might as well be...
37. Richard Nixon (1969-1974): Black Licorice
If you like black licorice I don't trust a damn thing you say.
38. Gerald Ford (1974-1977): 100 Grand
Can you believe this candy is still made?
39. Jimmy Carter (1977-1981): Baby Ruth
PEANUTS are good, but would you actually spend money on this?
40. Ronald Reagan (1981-1989): Jelly Beans
41. George Bush (1989-1993): Werther’s Original
I look forward to old age, when I can indulge my deep love of this candy.
42. Bill Clinton (1993-2001): Pop Rocks
Underrated party candy.
43. George W. Bush (2001-2009): Peeps
I have a distinct early memory where I threw up from eating approx.400 peeps.
44. Barack Obama (2009-present): Junior Mints
The thinking man's candy.